Sunday, August 22, 2010
Global Financial Crisis Hits Christ Hard!
JERUSALEM—Dissatisfied with dwindling receipts in recent years, redeemer of humanity Jesus Christ issued a rare public statement Monday, sharply criticizing His followers' lack of generosity and demanding a marked increase in their contributions to the long-standing religion based upon belief in Him.
"Historically, I have asked for no more than 10 percent of the total earnings of my flock," said Christ in a 25-minute statement aired on Christian television stations throughout the world, including Trinity Broadcasting Network, Eternal Word Television, and Cristo Telemundo. "But recent cost analyses by my accountants indicate that current donations from my believers are not at this level and are insufficient to meet my earthly financial needs."
Christ underscored his point with an earning/expenditure chart illustrating that in the first quarter of 1997, He listened to an average of 233 million prayers per day while collecting daily revenues of $6 million.
"This works out to just two and a half cents per prayer, which barely even covers my overhead," Christ said. "If this sort of fiscal imbalance continues, I may have to answer even fewer prayers in the future."
"In my Father's house are many mansions," Christ said. "They are not cheap to maintain. The legal expenses and out of court settlements racked up by some of my clergy are out of this world - so to speak."
The full press release is available in the business pages of The Australian - hahahahahahahaha!
Try here: http://worldoftak.ning.com/forum/topics/christ-demands-more-money